Elese Coit

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                        The Wild, Precious Life 01/20/2012
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                        _
                        Tell me, what else should I have done?  

                        Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?  
                        Tell me, what is it you plan to do 
                        with your one wild and precious life?
                        -Mary Oliver

                        _ The more time I spend alive, the less inclination I have to waste my time.

                        Some suggest that being mindful of the fact that death is just an inch away at any moment, motivates us to live more fully and squeeze all the juice out of life that we can. If this were true we'd have the single most powerful self-help tool ever discovered.  Everyone would instantly get how precious and important their life is and the world would be bursting with happy, loving people. 

                        Actually, I think most of us are blissfully unmotivated by our finiteness. We love to live in the illusion of never-land, which is, it-will-never-happen-to-me-land. We like to ignore the uncomfortable things, putting off the inevitable until it's nipping at our heels. 

                        We ignore the projects that are dearest to our hearts. We keep feeding the flames of our grudges and resentments. We let pettiness interfere with telling people how much we love them and how much they mean to us. In short, we willingly waste our present moment either mulling over the past or worrying about the future. Or both. Regrets are daily companions and the only time we aren't concerned about tomorrow is when we reach for the credit card.  

                        But time, if you think about it, is a funny old thing. 
                        • We can have a moment of beauty in which we lose all sense of time.   
                        • We can look back on last year and think it went fast.
                        • We can look at the clock waiting for lunch and believe time has slowed to a standstill.   
                        • Five minutes awake in the middle of the night can feel like a lifetime. 
                        Where does the sensation of time passing come from?  That is, where is your experience of time taking place?  

                        Like most of life, it is all pretty much made up, isn't it?

                        But if that's true, that is rather good news.  It means there is very little that is solid. And much of what we think is "true" turns out not to be.

                        For example, when I'm dreading the final editing of my book, I look at the manuscript and think I have 239 pages to go through one by one. Yet again.  Just thinking about it slows me down!  I'm now influencing my own experience of time.

                        Yet there have been plenty of days when I worked 12 hours almost straight through and felt refreshed and happy. Suddenly it is midnight, or 1 am and I think, "Wow, it's amazing how time flies!"  Time is doing nothing of the sort. It is neither flying nor passing nor stopping.  

                        If time is based on your attitude and personal filters, then surely many more things are too: your impressions of people, your decisions about what's possible, your worries of the future, and so on. 

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                        ___Everything is in flux in all moments.  We really only know two things. The past is done. The future is not here yet.  In fact it never will be. It will only always ever be this minute.

                        With a real sense of that, I enjoy my time quite a bit.  I also get quite a lot done, not because I'm afraid I might die at any moment, but because this moment is so very full, fresh and interesting.



                        I don't want to get too esoteric about time being just a made-up thing, so for those interested, you might want to pick up Steve Chandler's book "Time Warrior" which contains more practical wisdom on the the bend-ability of time. 

                        Ami Chen Mills-Naim and I also talked about releasing the old on the last show of 2011. That was a great show if you missed it. (click here to listen) 

                        One of the good things about the passing of time is the possibility of seeing our past differently and of finding new grace to move on from regrets and hurt. 

                        The past always teaches us the same lesson: "It's over." (Peruse the chapter on Forgiveness from my book for more ... )

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                        Life Jacket For Your Crisis 08/06/2010
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                        If you are experiencing a serious crisis or loss, I highly recommend you read Daphne Rose Kingma's Ten Things To Do When Life Falls Apart.

                        You will be inspired, comforted and for each of the Ten Things there are exercises for reflection, meditation and journaling that will assist you:

                        1.    CRY YOUR HEART OUT

                        2.    FACE YOUR DEFAULTS  (four steps to face them)

                        3.    DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT  (No, it doesn’t feel like expansion…it feels like loss but you can change your relationship to the problem)

                        4.    LET GO  (hanging on is fear, letting go is hope)

                        5.    REMEMBER WHO YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN

                        6.    PERSIST  (hope is born of persistence)

                        7.    INTEGRATE YOUR LOSS  (you Are big enough if you remember who you really are)

                        8.    LIVE SIMPLY (a surprising chapter!)

                        9.    GO WHERE THE LOVE IS 

                        10.    LIVE IN THE LIGHT OF THE SPIRIT

                        And remember: There is more to you than what you ordinarily think of as yourself


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                        Musings on death 03/02/2010
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                        Death is not a topic we have comfortably integrated. It is shrouded in superstition, and fear of it underpins so much of our thinking and it plays out in the way we speak about stopping aging, how we treat 'older' people and the things we tell  ourselves about our own bodies. 

                        A large plastic surgery industry feeds off a simple fear, that others will not approve of us, although that is not entirely the fault of surgeons. They are only responding to the ways we ourselves are choosing to deal with becoming older.  

                        Would we really treat people the way we do, would we ignore our children, would we not go to dinner with Mom this week, again, if we had a healthy sense of our own mortality? Wouldn't knowing we do not have a guarantee of tomorrow in the least, shuffle our priorities so radically that we might be unrecognizable?   If we really knew tomorrow we'd be lucky to wake up, would we be making any of our same choices today?

                        Despite all our daily worries about the future, the future in fact does not exist.   (Nor does the past, for that matter, but that's another topic). When we live in worry about what isn't real, we suffer, we lose all our joy and we try run around creating  solutions for a problem that is does not exist.  We waste so much energy and time and love.  You don't have to look further than Chile and Haiti to know there is no tomorrow.  Let's be something more than just occupied.  Let's stop being busy and consider what's meaningful to us.

                        There really is only one moment.  The one you and I are living now. 

                        if you are interested in this topic, listen to the show with Stan Goldberg, Lessons For Living Without Regret
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                        Elese gives personal coaching and teaches online classes