Elese Coit

One of the things that has most brought me crashing to the floor in my romantic relationships has been that I tended to see what I want to see about people, rather than actually letting them show me who they are. The very best way to deceive and fool oneself is to focus on the things about the other person that most meet our needs rather than taking in the whole person. 

If you’ve ever found yourself married to say, an obsessive compulsive, chances are that the signs were there in week #1, if not on the first date. 

An open attitude of discovering another requires withdrawing the agenda a bit and taking more notice of what’s right in front of us.  I suspect it’s also greatly helped by being open yourself, being open to them and then not taking the whole thing so damn personally.

In dating, think simple and obvious: if someone is saying that  they are interested in seeing you, what usually happens is they make time to see you.  

How many girlfriend conversations do we need to figure that out?  All you have to do is notice.  And carry on living your wonderful life.

Speaking as a woman, I think we girls will be much happier if we take notice of what’s there and don’t take things so personally.  Don’t make excuses for why what you want is not showing up.  Like why he’s not calling.  That’s just what you want to happen.  Wanting things to be different when they are not.  Give that up in favor of noticing that what is actually going on. It’s so much kinder on you. As Byron Katie says, reality is what it is.  How do I know I want to stand up?  I’m standing.

The way I know someone wants to talk to me is they get in touch. The way I  know that someone wants to see me is they arrange to do that.  in the end, if you let reality show you the way,  it's not nearly as complicated as what we tell ourselves and there is very little to figure out.  Just a process of seeing. 

And then you can use the energy you saved for something else.